Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I'm thinking of starting a new support group...MOAC

That's right...MOAC, Mothers of Adult Children!

When I was expecting my first child, I read a lot of books to prepare myself for this new adventure. I knew I was going to love being a mother and I wanted to be the best parent I could be. After he was born, I continued to read and ask other mothers for advice. Each new stage was a challenge, but so exciting to experience...the first word, the first step, reading his first word.

Somehow the years flew by with the first date, the first time driving alone in the car and now....his first apartment. Where did the time go? Wasn't it just yesterday that he cut his first tooth?

I did not prepare for this new stage. After all I had plenty of time; he was going to live at home for a while and go to a nearby university. Little did I know he had plans of spreading his wings. My heart screamed, "Wait, this is happening way too fast!" But no pleading could magically turn back the clock. The time had come for my firstborn to leave home.

Once again, I am seeking advice from other Moms, yes, MOAC. We are all trying to figure out this mysterious role. We are so used to doing for our children, helping with homework, fixing broken hearts, giving advice. Now that role has changed. I read a good blog tonight about this question of offering advice. Check out Lynn Cowell's blog at

As I shared on Lynn's post, I recently learned from a MOAC, that when our adult children don't want to heed our advice, we could put Phil 4:8 into practice..whatever is true, whatever is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable...think on these things. I need to think of the good and admirable qualities.

I am at a point where I don't give advice right now. For this season (hopefully it won't be long) I am loving on my adult child. My love speaks by giving lots of space, setting boundaries where it affects me and yes, offering food! Who can turn down peach pie or brownies?!

The most important thing to gain through this journey is a knowledge of how to keep the doors of communication open. It's not a time to get frustrated when the other side is silent. When I don't hear from him, I pray, because I am sure he is very busy being the adult I prepared him to be.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Smile - it's contagious!

This past week I spent time with someone who never smiled when I was watching. How I reacted inside to her kept changing colors each day. At first I felt intimidated because she appeared as if she had it all together. You know the kind of person I am talking about. They take charge of every situation and appoint themselves in command whether a majority vote has been taken on her behalf. Her self appointed attitude permeated giving the air of "I don't really need you."

The first time I met her I struggled just for a moment with feelings of inferiority. She did have a lot together and knew much more about the activities we were doing. I decided to chase away my complex and offered my gifts and talents given to me by the Lord. Each of us are different you know. Not everyone can have it together or even look like it! I actually enjoyed myself as I found my little niche. There is joy in serving Jesus, so I thought.

But this non-smiling woman kept haunting me every day I was with her. She really did not look like she was having a good time. The rest of us were really having fun doing each of our tasks with enthusiasm because we enjoyed being together. I realized the 'party' was going on without her. Each attempt to include her was brushed aside.

By the end of the week, she did not even make eye contact with me. Maybe there is more to this than I understand. The one who appears as if all is well can be choosing to hide behind that mask because of its safety. She wrapped herself in a cocoon of busyness maybe really wanting to join in.

Maybe the truth is that deep down inside there may be things that are too painful to describe. I think I will keep smiling anyway and find a way to bridge this communication gap. Maybe someday it will happen. Until then, I'll keep smiling!